As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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