There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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