I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
