I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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