You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
