the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
