Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
