This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
