He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
