I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
