I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My dick has a subreddit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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