I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
