Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
