i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
