I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
