CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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