no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
