An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
