Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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