i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
