Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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