this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
