Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
