A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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