Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
