i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
