Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
