I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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