After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
