Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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