I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
