You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
