How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
