I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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