i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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