Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
