I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
