yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
