Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
