The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
