it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
