gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
