Cold hands, warm shart.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
