i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
