I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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