bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
