u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
