And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
