I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
