No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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