I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
