I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He felt like a one man threesome
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
