I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
